Yes, terrible things happen, but sometimes those terrible things-- They save you.

-- Chuck Palahniuk

Friday, June 21, 2013

41- Sinematic: Part Two

“I hated myself for needing him at such times, for craving his strength whenever I felt upset.” 
― Kathy ReichsDéjà Dead

[This is a 4 part split chapter with Aria's sister, Mila. Part one can be found here:Sinematic: Part One
and I will link you to Part Three when it is posted at the bottom of this post :D]

(Carter, goes without saying, thank you. Still saying it though. Last scene. All yours. <3 )

(Babies! Been a while, eh? But, You know. This is still a baby challenge ;) )
Macayla and Owen

Kristina, Dante, Madeline.


People underestimate the power of a broken heart, a broken spirit. They seem to think that if there isn't the presence of tears, if the affected person isn't visibly shattered, that the damage isn't extensive.

The truth was, Aria was irreparable. 

The fact that she could hide it in a downward spiral of alcohol and distance was her last ditch effort to save herself.

It just wasn't working. At all.

Her outward fallacy of strength, stitched together tightly with 'I'm okay' and 'It'll be fine', was only hiding the chaos that was eating her alive on the inside.

She wondered when the moment would come that she would dissolve and everyone would see how defective she really was.


Aria slid the shot glass towards her from across the glass surface, bringing it to her lips. It didn't even burn anymore. One shot. Two more. Another. It was kind of like a game. How many shots could she take before she forgot why she was drinking in the first place?

Not that she could ever forget him.. Or what had happened. But fuck did she try.

The sound of tires softly falling on the pavement outside and the metal connecting with metal as a car door slammed shut brought Aria out of her reverie.

Mila. Finally.

Aria pulled her game face on, quickly putting the bottle and shot glass on the counter of the hotel room and heading outside.

She squealed brightly, throwing herself into Mila's arms and knocking her luggage to the ground.

"You started without me bitch!" She teased. 

Aria grinned, playing her ditzy roll just as she always did. She forced that beautiful smile and made those eyes shine as bright as she could. She speculated if Mila knew just how much she was hurting on the inside.

The wedding was beautiful. Aria and Mila filled the role of bridesmaid with lots of champagne and laughing. Aria almost forgot why she was sad for a couple of hours. But just like it always did, reality smacked her in the face about halfway through the reception and she backed away from everyone, sinking into a corner with the company of Jack Daniels.

Aria was so drunk she could barely see. Mila and her had drank throughout the entire wedding and the reception. Was it a good choice? No. But did it take the pain away? It did. For now..

Aria clinked the glass of scotch back onto the bar's smooth surface, tracing her finger along the rim. She had lost track of everyone she knew in the reception hall. Focused on drinking. Focused on getting lost in a sensation other than overwhelming loss.

"Why is a pretty little thing like you sitting at the bar all alone?"

The voice was smooth, echoing through Aria's skull with the pull of a skilled radio announcer. She scoffed, looking up at the guy she presumed was just another skeeze. When her eyes fell on his, she halted. He looked familiar. Almost too familiar.

Her eyes fell from his red hair to his ice blue eyes and then she looked back down at her drink. Sure, he was attractive, but her heart was still tripping over Carter with every breath she took. It wasn't like she was planning on continuing her challenge anymore anyway.

He would come around, right?

The doubt swirled in her stomach.

No, Aria. He is done. Done is final. It's over. Stop clinging to that stupid last shred of hope that you are breathing in. 

Aria realized that she still hadn't answered. She looked back up at the guy, who cocked his head to the side, amusement in his irises. 

"You okay?"

She rolled her eyes. 

"I don't even know you. Why would you care?"

He took a seat next to her, and she groaned. She totally wasn't in the mood for Mr. Smooth Moves over here.

"Well, you seem pretty sad, maybe I can cheer you up? Start talking. I can at least listen."

Aria raised an eyebrow. 

"Seriously? It's a sob story. I really don't think you want to hear it."

He smirked. 

"I got time... besides," He motioned at the bartender, and then at Aria's drink, and the guy slid him a duplicate. "I can always just stare into those beautiful eyes."

She gave him a death stare. Yeah, he was sweet.. But Aria was only interested in one person. And the fact that this guy was pulling out every compliment in the book was going to get very irritating, very fast.

"You know I am not looking for a hook up right? I am not interested in you."

She stated, pointedly. His smirk widened. 

"Now, Pink Eyes, I never said anything about sex, did I? The fact that your mind went there tells me that you have implications that state otherwise behind your words that say 'no'."

Aria scowled. 

"Look, Mr. Vampire-"


"What EVER. But I seriously am not going to play this game if you think the ending is me being underneath you, naked."

If his smile got any wider, it would cover half of his face.

"You could always be naked on top of me."

Aria sighed, standing, licking the rest of her drink from her lips.

"Alright, well, you can flirt with the bartender, cause I'm done here." 

She turned to walk away, but she didn't make it three steps before she felt a cold grip on her wrist.

His eyes went from cocky to serious and kind in an instant.

"No, I'm sorry. I was kidding. I want to hear what's going on with you. You seem to be nursing quite a broken heart."

Aria took two steps backward suddenly, as if influenced into it and sat back on the barstool next to Discord. 

What an odd name..

She sighed. She looked up at the bartender, who gave her another drink. She had probably had enough. But she was past the point of caring. 

"I don't even know where to start... I guess we could start with the fact that I have been in love with him since I was 14 and he didn't even give me the chance to tell him that.."

She launched into the story, pouring her heart out to this man, without the slightest idea as to why she was doing so. She covered each piece with a new glass of the acidic liquid she was so accustomed to submerging herself in. 

When she finished, her words were pretty much a mess, as was she. She stared at the chipped surface of the bar, drained. Her heart empty and her mind pushing in a thousand different directions at once. She looked up at the guy, who had been listening with what seemed to be rapt attention.

He hadn't really spoken since she started. Aria was suddenly filled with apprehension.. Why had she just done that? Why had she told a complete stranger that she was in love with Carter when she couldn't even tell him herself?

It had been so easy to tell this guy, the only person she had ever told.. 

Why couldn't it have been just as easy to tell the object of her adulation?

"You know what I think, Aria?"

He interrupted her reflection and she looked up at him, her eyesight foggy.


"I think that you deserve better than that.. And if this guy truly cared about you, he wouldn't have left you behind. He sounds like a selfish, insolent fool."

He put a hand on her knee and her eyes snapped downwards, staring at the point of contact.

"I also think that he doesn't love you, because you don't do things like that to people you claim to care about."

Aria's eyes clicked from his hand on her knee to his ice blue irises. Her stomach did a flip and she could feel his words sinking into the part of her mind that was still smothered in doubt. That piece of her that had already been wondering if he was lying. If everything he said was brazen deceit.

Maybe.... Maybe this guy was right. Maybe she was an idiot.

"Hey, you two, the bar is about to close. Everyone is gone. You two gotta get out of here."

The bartender's voice startled Aria a little, but she stood, swaying a little on her feet. She took a step and Discord's arm found its way around her waist, steadying her.

His lips were at her ear in an instant. 

"Do you want to continue this in my room?"

Aria's brain went haywire.

Did she? What about Carter? Didn't he love her? Didn't she love him? 

Maybe.... But what if this guy was right? What if he had a point? What if Carter just lied to her? 

What kind of person sleeps with the girl they claim to love and then runs away like a coward?

Aria looked up at him, her vision spinning. She was full of hesitation. Doubt. She thought once more back to that night at Aperille's house and one word floated to the surface of her mind.


She nodded at Discord with a small smile. 

"Yeah, let's go."


"A, have I ever told you why I broke up with Rebecca?" 

The summer air blew the across the trampoline she and Carter were laying on and the smell of chlorine and charcoal was so strong it was dizzying. Junior year was over. They only had one year left of high school, and then they were out of this town. Aria wondered about her future all the time. 

Mostly if he was going to be in it. She hardly ever saw him anymore. He had been so busy that days like this were far too few. She pushed up on her elbows and looked at him, her hair fluttering in the breeze. She raised an eyebrow.

"Whoa, Carter, are we getting teenage girl deep here?" She grinned and he rolled his eyes, pushing one of her elbows from underneath her so she fell back onto the trampoline. 

"No," He chuckled as she scowled, righting herself again. "It's just, when we were together, she was never really honest. I couldn't believe a goddamn word she said. Not to mention that she hesitated with everything she did. It drove me insane. Is it that hard to stick to a decision. To not doubt something?"

He looked over at her, and she shrugged. 

"It can be. I mean, you have to think about it from her point of view. Sometimes love isn't as easy for both parties involved. Sometimes one of them doesn't know right away."

He frowned. 

"I think that if you love somebody, it should be as easy as that. You love them. Don't be a fucking coward and deny it. Own up to it."

He trailed off and his eyes traced away from her and into the afternoon sky, dancing with the summer heat.

"Not to mention Aria, I didn't even say anything like that. I didn't love her."

He looked back at her and she blushed, biting her lip.

"I misread your words. And apparently your actions. Sorry."

He shook his head.

"Don't be. I get it. It probably looked like I loved her. But I didn't. She really wasn't worth my time in the end. Just a mistake."

Aria scoffed.

"Like you make mistakes."

His brow furrowed. 

"Just cause I have morals doesn't mean I don't make mistakes like everyone else, A. You assume my ethics are exorbitant. I have weaknesses too."

He sighed. 

"Well I have one in particular.."

She smirked.

"Your incessant need to sleep with redheads?"

He pushed her arm out from under her again and she laughed.

"Nah, my incessant need to protect my best friend from her stupid decisions."

She inhaled sharply, refusing to get back up on her elbows again. She looked over at him, her eyes soft.

"You don't have to protect me, Carter."

He nodded.

"I know, but I'm still going to."

Aria ran a hand through her hair, tears trailing down her face and a shot glass in her hand. The guilt was insurmountable. She leaned her free hand against the railing of the balcony, taking a deep breath of the cool, misty air. She was an idiot. 

Time and time and time again she was learning that she was nothing more than what Carter always told her she was.

A noise behind her caused alarm to shoot through her veins, and she turned to see Discord standing there. His face no longer wore the kind expression it had. It was rock hard and cold now. She knew he was feigning the niceness. She was just... Aria.

"What are you still doing here?" He asked, his tone emotionless.

She sighed, emptying the rest of the shot glass and handing it to him as she walked by. 

"I'm leaving."

His voice almost shone with the smirk that covered his features.

"I can see why this guy didn't want you. Look how easy you were."

Aria sighed, slipping her shoes on.

"Trust me, I already know."

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, the guys surprised look almost amusing her. Apparently he thought his words would hurt her. 

No, sorry, you can't hurt someone with the actuality they are already aware of.

She shut the door behind her quietly, staring off towards the room she was sharing with Mila. She crossed the hall, opening their door, taking off her shoes and sliding in the sheets next to her sister, who was sleeping peacefully. She buried her face in the mess of her black and orange hair and cried herself into dreams, thankful she didn't wake up.

Home from Bridgeport, back in Riverview. Things were tense. Carter was just a ghost she could barely remember. She had Discord's babies. Triplets. Babies 88, 89 and 90, named Salem, Nikolas and Topher.

Carter didn't know. She didn't even know if he would care at this point. 

She floated through her only day she had been back and lied her way through her birthday, she just wanted to get back to her own safety net of her home and her challenge.. Which only had ten babies left now. What the hell was next.

The night of her birthday party changed everything.

"Aria, it's me,"  

Carter's voice startled Aria from her camp out in the corner. She and the other guests were playing Assassin. And so far she hadn't been caught or even seen. She almost jumped out of her skin at his words.  She honestly felt her heart pick up ten notches. The increase in its beat made her ears throb from the blood flow.

His voice pulled her heart in that distinct way only his voice could.

"Happy birthday," He said, reaching in his pocket.

He handed her a cd and she reached out a shaky hand to take it. Anberlin. A band that reminded her of him. Of course.

"I think they're your style," He said, a smile barely visible in the dark.

She took a deep breath, trying to calm down.

"I had given up hope that you were even going to show up." 

She looked back up at his face, shrouded in darkness and she almost just wanted to kiss him. Just let everything go. Pretend last week never happened. The wedding never happened.

But it did.

And he didn't want her.

She leaned back against the wall and stared at the cement floor.

"Thank you." She whispered, her tone heartsick. She just wanted him to go now.

Done was supposed to mean done.

"I didn't want to miss your birthday," He started, a smile pulling at his lips again. 


"I just wanted to let you know that I won't bug you any more. I know we've kind of... uh, been back and forth. I guess enough is enough at some point."

His laugh is dry, forced. Monotone. Aria instantly went cold.

"But I didn't wanna leave without saying good bye."

A pause.

"And that what I said I meant. That I do love you." 

He nodded.


His words were like daggers. She could feel them pierce into that tiny piece of hope she had left. Tearing it, stretching it past the point of being salvaged.

Now it was bleeding.

Was he really fucking doing this? She hadn't done ANYTHING. 

I was in love with you and you were walking away /again/. Would you ever stay? Would you ever be a fucking man and face me the way that you should?

No. No you wouldn't. Because you are a coward. I used to think it was me. But it's not. It's you. You are nothing but a fool. And you are letting me down. Again.

As you always will.

"You don't fucking love me."

It was her only reply. And she truly couldn't believe her own ignorance.

She wondered if he heard her. Probably not. He didn't know how to listen to anything but his own internal musings.

She pulled the top of the Nerf gun back, the weapon in this silly game, settling the tiny styrofoam bullets into position. She aimed at his back, pulling the trigger three times.

Counting him out of the game. Out of her party.

Out of her fucking life.

"Goodbye, Carter."

And he was gone.

Macayla and Owen <3

You never said you'd hurt me
Now this is all that we have left
You were supposed to save me
From myself

You said you'd never love me
But look how hard someone can fall
I was supposed to save you
From yourself

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