Yes, terrible things happen, but sometimes those terrible things-- They save you.

-- Chuck Palahniuk

Monday, January 14, 2013

26- Breathe: Part One

[Authors Note: Content Warning. This Chapter is extremely heavy. This is as bad as it gets for Aria. Rock bottom.

and also, this chapter is a bit shorter than usual..]

Demetria and Leilani, Young Adult.

Chyler Rapture.

Kingston Rapture.

Kennedie Rapture

Jayberri wasn't coming into town just yet. 

Aria filled her anxious waiting time with a donor pregnancy. Yeah... she was smart. She was going to continue having babies even though she was going to do pills with her ex. She felt insurmountably guilty. And irrational. Her life no longer made any sense, so why should her actions?

It was twins. Babies 53 and 54. Lawson and Anastaisia.

She met up with Jayberri right after the birth of her babies.

 Every step she took towards his hotel room from her car felt more and more wrong. But she just didn't care. And she had no idea why. Her absence of conscience hadn't worried her for a while. Pretty much the only thing she felt was guilt. And self hatred. She was becoming inattentive to pretty much everything. Except for her growing desire to destroy herself. 

He opened the door as she came to it. He seemed smack dab in the middle of an episode, but Aria couldn't be too sure. His eyes were rimmed with red and his clothes were rumpled. But then again, that could be from the pain pills. It was hard to sleep when you were wired. He looked over her shoulder and grabbed her hand, pulling her inside. 

"Hey, what's the rush Jay? What's wrong?" 

He looked through the crack as he shut the door, locking it with the deadbolt and the lock attached to the doorknob. He turned to look at her, an odd look in his eyes. 

“I just, don’t want anyone to find us. I never get you to myself.” 

His comment made Aria uneasy, spending time with him was not the reason she was here. She was here to forget. At least for one night. 

She put a hand on his shoulder, nodding.

 “It’s okay, Jay. I’m not going anywhere.” 

He sat on the bed, a bottle of prescription pills open on the table next to him. They were spilled everywhere. Aria sighed, brushing past him to clean them up. The quantity on the bottle said 90. There were 29 left. She looked over her shoulder at him as she twisted the lid back on. 

“When did you get these Jay?” 

Concern shone through her voice. 

“Three days ago.” 

He mumbled. 

She was shocked.

 “There are SIXTY ONE pills missing Jay! You did NOT take 61 pills in three days, did you?!” 

Jay just stared at the wall. 

“I threw up seven.” 

He said blankly. Aria sighed, setting the bottle back down softly. 

“Jay, that's 54 pills in three days. Don’t you think that’s a little much?” 

Jayberri shook his head. I’m not even high. I don’t feel a thing.” 

Aria slumped onto the floor, leaning against the end table. She had clutched the bottle on her way down. She opened it, sliding a few tiny pills into her hand. She put them in her mouth, swallowing them dry.

What she had done was either very sad or very stupid. Or both. She wasn’t sure she knew which feeling she was leaning towards the most. She choked back tears that she had no idea she was even trying to cry. They just sat there in silence. Aria felt about a thousand emotions at once as she shut her eyes, a single tear falling down her cheek.


They lay on the ground, Jayberri staring at the ceiling, her on her stomach staring at the floor. Aria had been there for three days. She had lost count of how many pills she had taken. and she hadn't slept. But she wasn't sad. At least she didn't feel sad. Which was something new. 

"You still doing that baby challenge thing?" 

Jayberri asked the ceiling. Aria groaned, taking another drink from the water bottle she was holding. 

"I am, I forgot all about that. Funny what this stuff can do to you." 

Jay smirked. 

"I didn't forget. It's hard to forget when your ex becomes a whore." 

Aria choked as she was swallowing. 


He cackled. 

"You're nothing but a crazy whore now. Good thing I got away from that while I still had a chance." 

Aria sat up, staring at him.

 "What the hell is wrong with you Jay?"  

He continued to stare at the ceiling. 

"You heard me Aria."

 She threw a book that had been laying next to her at his head. 

"You are such a loser. You ask me to come here with you and then you start saying these things to me? I forgot why I started ignoring you in the first place apparently." 

She stood up, her eyesight blurring.

 She leaned against the wall, head spinning. 

"Aria the only reason you stopped talking to me was because I slept with Kora. You're still the same scared little girl inside that you were back then. You still push everyone away. You're pathetic. You can't deal with anything."

 Aria's mouth dropped open, so it was more than a kiss? Figured. 

"Where is all of this coming from? We've been hanging out all this time and then you just randomly attack me?"  

Jay sat up, looking at her. 

"I just can't stand all of these games you play." 

Aria was completely confused. They had barely talked about anything the entire time they were together. What GAMES was he talking about? 

"Jay, I didn't do anything." 

Jayberri laughed, laying back on the ground. 

"I should have just given up on you when you freaked over Kora. It didn't matter to you how I felt. You only care about yourself. Sometimes i wish you would just go AWAY." 

Aria went numb. She shut her mouth, grabbing her purse off of the end table. She noticed the bottle of pills next to it, almost empty.

She grabbed them, slipping them in the pocket of her jacket. She hastily walked over to the door. Before leaving she turned around and fixed him with a blank stare. 

"Jayberri, I never want to see you again. Do you understand? I'm through. Whatever this was? Pretend it wasn't." 

He quickly stood, rushing towards the door, mumbling something Aria couldn't understand. She was out it before he crossed the room. 

His shouts echoed across the parking lot as Aria slipped into her car, but she didn't understand a single word.

Aria arrived at Danielle's house almost 3 hours later.

 After a brief stop at the park, where she changed her clothes in the bathroom, She had been driving and driving and the gas gauge on her dashboard was finally flashing red in her face. She looked in the rear view mirror, fixing her makeup. She really didn't want Danielle to worry about her. It was useless at this point. She glanced up at Danielle's house, she saw Chase look out the window and walk off. Presumably to get Danielle. Aria sighed, opening the door. She couldn't believe her best friend was getting married... 

She knocked softly on the door and heard footfalls on  the other side. Danielle opened the door and immediately looked worried.

 "Aria, you look terrible. What's wrong?" 

She grabbed her hand, pulling her inside. 

"Nothing, I'm fine. I actually just came by to drop off the extra set of keys to my house for you." 

She dropped them in a ceramic bowl on the table, next to Danielle's car keys. Danielle looked puzzled. 

"Wait, why? I don't even remember asking for them.." 

She trailed off.

Aria shrugged.

 "Even if you didn't, i feel like it's something you should have." 

Danielle didn't look like she believed her for a second. 

"Aria you have been so weird lately. It's really starting to scare us. Ariana is in the other room, you should come hang out with us. We haven't seen you in weeks." 

Aria's eyes widened. 

"Ariana is here? I- I have to go." 

She turned to go, but Danielle stopped her. 

"Why does it matter if people are here? Mila is too. We just miss you." 

Aria pulled her arm out of Danielle's grip, moving towards the door.

"Danielle, if anything ever happened to me, would you make sure that my kids are taken care of?" 

Aria looked at the floor, not meeting her eyes. 

"What, of course I would. But why would you ask me that?" 

Aria shrugged. 

"Are you okay Aria? You've been so distant. I worry about you. You look like death." 

Danielle touched her shoulder and Aria flinched away. 

"I'm fine. I need to go. I just needed to make sure that I could rely on you." 

She looked at Danielle, her eyes sad. 

"I love you Danielle." 

With a weak smile, she turned around and went out the door, the bottle in her pocket shaking with every step.


Aria took a drink from the small bottle of vodka, crying softly. Everything was just turning into the same thing. Day after day she made mistake after mistake. 

No one knew about Corbin. No one knew how much it hurt just to breathe. She was lost. And empty. Not even her babies made things better anymore. She was stuck in a sucking vortex of pain.

'What am I even doing here anymore? Why am I even trying?' 

She turned the bottle in her fingers like a baton. They clattered, and it almost sounded like music to Aria's ears. She stared at the little pills, her heart aching. It was time. She was done. She was over this life and everything that came with it. She twisted the cap off and spilled them into her hand. 

15 pills. 15  60 mg Oxycontin. She closed her eyes, tipping them into her mouth. Aria tilted her head back, drinking the rest of the bottle as fast as she could. It burned and her heart raced and she just kept going. Every sense was on fire. She was as alone as she had ever been in her entire life. It was minutes before she felt anything. 

She thought maybe she would just pass peacefully on and everything would be over. 

No more pain. No more heartache. 
No Corbin. 
No Levi. 
Nothing to worry about. Nothing to be afraid of. 
No one to hate her. No one to hurt her. No one that she could hurt..

 The tears spilled down her cheeks and her breathing slowed. Her vision doubled, and she fell to her knees, her head in her hands. She thought she heard something from the other room, but she was too cloudy to make any sense of it.

The world spun and Aria clutched her stomach. The pain was ridiculous. The last thing she saw as the ground rose up to meet her was  the empty bottle of pills, cold and lonely on the floor.


  1. Great chapter can't wait to find out what happens next, your a very talented writer :)

    1. AWWW, Oh man, thank you. That is sooo sweet. I really appreciate that compliment. It means a lot!

      I try to get one out once a week, so part two will be here soon.

      You're amazing. Seriously. Thank you!

  2. i've tried so many times to do my baby challenge i can do the babies but the whole writing taking the pics etc i just find it impossible haha! pure talent right here! i look forward to reading part two :)

    1. Awww, I am just now seeing this. Thank you SO much <3