31- Careless Whisper: Part Two

Avocet and Albatross Rapture, toddlerrrsss
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Aria shut the door of her car, the metal connecting with metal with a soft click. 

She approached the door, suddenly apprehensive. She really needed to talk to Carter. He always knew what to say.. This situation with Bluejay was killing her. She couldn't talk to Mila and she figured Willow was on her side.. Not to mention she had trouble reaching out to Danielle most days..

That left Carter.

Part of her, however, was afraid he would tell her that this was her fault like he always did. 

Aria's hair stuck to her face from the rain, and her clothes were damp. She was inches from his door when she suddenly stopped, her eyes wide. 

Well, wasn't that amazing. Carter wasn't alone. In fact, it was Mila that was in his arms. 

It was as if someone had suckerpunched Aria in the stomach. She was so startled she took a step back from the door, her heartbeat thundering in her throat. It wasn't like she hadn't expected this, but to witness it first hand, when she was being told again and again that it wasn't happening, was another thing entirely. 

The thing that was confusing Aria the most, was how much she cared. If Mila and Carter were together and happy, why should she be upset? Aside from her being angry with her sister, this whole thing shouldn't matter. Maybe ... Maybe Aria cared more about Carter then she initially thought. The thought alone of that made her cringe. 

Her and Carter? Maybe in some altertnate universe. Not to mention, it looked like her sister had gotten there way before she would have even considered it.

She turned on her heel and ran to her car, silent tears falling. 

She had completely forgotten why she had came here to begin with, peeling out of his driveway and into the street. 

She left so fast she didn't even see her two

green eyed friends standing on Carter's porch, watching in confusion as she sped away.

-----

"I don't even know why I keep doing this stuff to myself." Aria crossed her arms, slumping further down into the seat. Aria iced over, not allowing her emotions to cut her at the edges. Making sure she didn't give away exactly how much this entire situation with Bluejay was affecting her.

True, this was therapy. She was /supposed/ to talk about how she felt. It just wasn't easy for her. It never had been.

 Growing up, she told Mila and Willow everything. Even Carter. Things were just different now that she was older. She felt as if she should keep these things to herself. Like if she let people in, they would just cut her down.

"I think that there is something keeping you from facing what you have done. I know you are aware that the situations you keep putting yourself into are not the best."

Aria stared at the floor, pressing her fingernails into her palms. Something she was doing quite often now when she got nervous. Lilac had a point. There was always something she seemed to be trying to get away from. She just wasn't ready to confront those things.. No where near. 

All of the hurt she had caused everyone was just buried in the back of her mind.

Aria escalated into a ramble about a few things, getting more and more emotional until she finally settled down, ending her tirade with a simple statement. 

"And I think my sister is dating my best friend." Her voice cracked and she wiped a deceiving tear  from underneath her eye, looking up at Lilac, who was staring at her with a glint of interest in her eyes. 

"As in Mila and Carter?" 

Aria nodded, picking at a hole in the arm of the chair she was seated in. Lilac's eyebrows rose and she leaned forward, biting the tip of her pen and sighing. 

"Can I ask you a question, Aria?" 

Aria looked up at her, biting her lip. She had no idea what she was going to ask and that made her very, very nervous. She nodded again anyway.

"Have you ever considered that, maybe, Carter means more to you then you are aware of?"

It was like Lilac had pulled her thoughts out of her head from earlier and given them voice. She was blindsided for a minute and then she scoffed, instantly relaxing. Laughter bubbled up her throat and out of her mouth and it took a second to catch her breath.

 "That's the funniest thing you have ever said, Lilac, really." 

She let out a weak laugh. "That boy has been around since I was 2, and he has never ONCE tried anything with me. He doesn't see me that way, and he never will. And I think you missed the whole point of what I was saying.."

Aria looked away, out the window, at the always falling rain. 

"I think he is with Mila."

Lilac seemed unconvinced at her laughter. She had this knowing shine to her eyes that kind of made Aria want to punch her in the face for assuming. She was pretty sure she would know if she had feelings for Carter. 20 years of being around him, besides that year he disappeared to college, would give her a very clear notion if something was there.

"I think you should take a second and think about it Aria. Denying it won't work forever."

Lilac's comment made Aria instantly aggravated.

"So tell me, what good would it fucking do for me to like him when he doesn't care about me? What great things are going to come out of me liking my best friend when, as I have said a hundred fucking times, I think he is banging my sister? Why would I want to acknowledge something that might tear me to pieces in the end." 

Aria's voice rose the longer she spoke until finally, she crumbled, her last sentence coming out in barely a whisper:

"Why would I want to know if I love him when all he has ever done is forget me?" 

She buried her face in her hands and cut herself off, not talking for the rest of the session. She honestly just wanted to go home now.

---

Aria rushed up the stairs when she got home, nearly stepping on a small white box outside of her door and crushing it and whatever lay inside to pieces. Her brows furrowed for a moment and she bit her lip. She stooped, picking it up and examining the outside.

Who the fuck left this? Bluejay? Doubtful.

She lifted the lid to the box, suddenly anxious. What the fuck was it, and how long had it even been there? When she saw what was inside, she was even more confused. It was a key on a chain, tied with an emerald green ribbon. She pulled it out of the box, examining it. It didn't say anything. 

The box was unmarked, empty aside from the necklace. 

Well, wasn't this the most confusing surprise ever. She slipped the chain around her neck and examined it once more. It was beautiful.

---

Aria found herself on Bluejay's doorstep. She had pressed call and end in succession so many times she had lost track. She felt like she the way things had ended were not okay. Not at all. She was more angry with herself then she had been in a while and she felt oddly.. Broken.

She had slowly realized she had been an idiot. Of course things were different then she had thought. Bluejay obviously wanted to be more the friends and Aria had just had this preconceived notion that it was just sex. She should have realized that it wasn't. It was an unsaid certainty that had went right over Aria's head.

Aria really needed to quit locking everyone out. It just kept hurting her; And hurting everyone else. She felt like maybe she was pushing everyone away a little too much now. She wasn't dumb.. She should have known that Bluejay cared more then he let on. Why would she do something so stupid?

Before her knuckles could make contact with the wooden door, it opened. Bluejay stood there, a confused look playing across his features. His teal eyes trailed to her own and then he looked away. He leaned against the doorframe, speaking softly.

"Why are you here Aria?" 

Something in his voice sent electricity down Aria's spine. 

"I.." She began, taking a step closer. He didn't react apart from looking back up at her. She took another step closer, her nerves sliding into that buzzy feeling that she felt whenever she was with him. Only when she was with him. 

Because he was different. 

He would always be different. 

"Bluejay.. I'm sorry. I fucked up okay? I am an idiot and I made a mistake. I should have known that you wanted something more then what I thought we had." 

The air between them was minute, her face now an immeasurable distance from his. Her words seemed to hang there. She wondered if they had made any difference at all. Maybe it wouldn't matter.. Maybe she was too late and the damage was already done. 

They didn't have to be together, but Aria still wanted her friend. She needed him.

He stared at her, silent. The kind of look Aria missed. Like he could read her thoughts. 

Aria's heart gave a pull and she could feel her eyes start to burn. 

"I really am so fucking sorry." 

She whispered the words, turning to go, but Bluejay grabbed her arm.

He pulled her against him, crushing her lips with his. 

He pushed the door the rest of the way open, leading Aria inside, his lips still connected with hers. The kisses grew more anxious, deeper. Aria's mind was exploding in fireworks and she couldn't help but press herself into him. With him she felt safe. 

It was a different kind of safe. 

The kind that made everything make sense.

He pulled away for a second, shutting the door and turning back to her. He took her hand and led her towards his room, and she followed without a moments hesitation.

-----

The late day sunlight filtered through the window, casting long shadows through the room. Aria pulled her knees to her chest and sighed. Maybe spending the day here wasn't the best decision, but she found it incredibly hard to just walk away from him. 

It made Aria's head spin that she was so easily swayed. What was it with him that made her feel like she just couldn't say no. Except for this time.. This night was ending with an odd sense of finality.

Bluejay pulled her next to him, tracing his thumb over her lips. He kissed her lightly, and she sighed. They needed to talk about this. Working out all of their issues physically wasn't solving anything. Not that it wasn't fun. Or that she wasn't happy right where she was, in bed with him; They were just avoiding the inevitable.

Aria could hear rain begin to fall outside, gently pattering against the roof. A cool breeze blew in from the open window and she took Bluejay's hand in both of hers, tracing the scars on his arm with her fingertips. They were an unspoken reality beween the two of them. Something they both knew but didn't talk about.

"Aria.. I think I need to tell you something.. " His voice was next to her ear, and it sounded.. Uncertain. She knew what was coming. She had known for months. It was the exact reason why she hadn't gotten attached.. Why she didn't want to be more then friends. Why she refused to acknowledge that maybe he did.

He began to speak again, but Aria cut him off.

"It's okay, you don't have to say it." Aria said quietly.

 "It's in your eyes, it's in your voice when you say her name. It's been so completely obvious all along." She released her grip on his hand and brushed her hair out of her eyes. 

"That's the reason we could never really be together. She means everything to you. I could tell from day one." 

She toyed with the key on the necklace she wore, she had completely forgotten she was wearing it and still didn't know who it was from. "I just hope someday that someone looks at me the way you look at her. I want more then anything to mean that much to someone."

His eyes strayed to the necklace and then back to her own. 

"I'm pretty sure you already do."

He kissed her softly, one last time, his fingers twisting in her hair.

 "This isn't goodbye. I'm always going to be right here. As a friend." 

She quietly nodded, pressing her forehead to his. "I know.. I feel like this was what was meant to happen from the beginning. You belong to someone else. I've known all along. Thank you for being there when I needed you, Bluejay."

The quiet ascended and the fact that this was the end to whatever they had was left to silently sink in. 

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Babies 63, 64 and 65

Harlequin, Starling and Verreaux Rapture.