33- Only If For A Night

Lilia and Raven

Albatross and Avocet

Harlequin, Starling and Verreaux.

----

"I don't understand why you're insisting that we go to your place when we always hang out at mine." 

Aria was slightly suspicious of Carter's intentions, but she trusted him. He pulled up in front of his new house and she jumped down out of the side of the Hummer before he could try and help her out like he always did.

He scowled at her and she grinned. 

"I'm not going to die jumping a foot to the ground, Carter. If you don't want me to risk it, buy a different car. This thing is bad for the environment anyway." 

Aria had given him the same spiel since she found out he had the Hummer. She hadn't convinced him thus far, but she still had faith that someday she might. 

"I like my car, Aria." 

He mumbled, watching her walk up to the door.

Aria turned the handle and threw it open, walking inside and stopping in her tracks. Mila and Willow were seated in Carter's living room. Aria's face instantly went blank and she turned to exit and bumped straight into Carter's chest.

"Let me out, Carter." 

She snapped, balling her fists at her sides.

He shook his head. 

"No. You need to listen. Finally."

Aria glared at him, speechless. She turned to face the other two and the looks on their faces made her want to scream. They looked like they felt sorry for her. They stood, their expressions sliding into uneasiness.

"What exactly do you expect me to say to the three of you? You're basically backing me into a corner. I can't exactly say that I won't let this go with the three of you in my fucking face now can I?" 

Aria sneered, fixating her gaze on the ground. 

"I can't believe you would push me into this, Carter."

 She mumbled, speaking to the floor. 

His entire demeanor changed at her words. 

"This happens to be the only way your stubborn ass would fucking listen." 

He glanced up at Mila, whose arms were tightly wrapped around her chest. 

"Aria, what happened to her was rape. You might not know what it's fucking like to go through something like this, but you're basically telling Mila that you don't care that she did."

All three girls' eyes snapped towards him, an uncomfortable silence filling the room like quicksand. Aria could feel Willow and Mila's stares finding and burning into her. She had never told him. They didn't know that.

Aria quickly spoke before the puzzle pieces could click into place in Carter's head. 

"What do you mean it was rape?" 

Her voice faltered and she could feel her throat constrict. She was beginning to feel the walls she had built up around her to keep Mila out, cave in. She looked into the eyes of her sister and could see every ounce of hurt and betrayal laced through her irises.

"Aria.. You never let me explain. You wouldn't know, cause you didn't listen." 

Mila's expression softened and she bit her lip.

Aria's heart tumbled and she looked away, nausea pulling at her. 

"Aria, you're my sister. You're my best friend. You out of everyone should believe me." 

She glanced at Carter and then stepped forward, placing her hands on Aria's upper arms. 

"I would never lie to you, Aria. Levi hurt me. He betrayed me. And you. I didn't know it was him in the room with me. I thought it was Thomas. Please, Aria. You have to believe me."

Willow came over to the two of them, putting a hand on Aria's shoulder. 

"We will always love you, Ar. Someday you are going to have to trust that we are the only ones who are going to be honest with you. Mila isn't lying to you."

She looked over at Carter, who stood in the hallway, his eyes masked with a far away look. 

"Carter saw everything. He was with Mila after this happened. He might not be the one to tell you this, but I will. You're being stupid, and you're being stubborn. Mila would never lie about something like this. I have been friends with the three of you for years. She isn't a liar."

Willow's words rang true and Aria knew it. She could hear birds singing in the trees outside and the soft wooshing of cars passing. Her apology seemed stuck in her esophagus and she tried to say something, but instead, she started crying. 

Aria looked up into the eyes of her step sister, and for the first time in weeks, she saw the light and life inside of them. She could feel the accusations in her chest slipping away. Mila was telling the truth and she should have known that. If anyone would want to hurt her, it would be Levi.

She put her head in her hands and sank to the floor, crying like a child. Crying like the mess of a human being that she was, that she felt she would always be.

"I'm sorry." 

She finally managed to push the muffled words out between tears. 

Mila knelt next to her and pulled her into her chest. 

"I know you are. I love you, Aria. I just wanted you to know I would never hurt you like that.. Never in a million fucking years would I do something so heartless to someone I care about."

Willow sat next to them and put a hand on Aria's knee. 

"If you would have answered our calls, you would know this. You should know what it's like to hurt like this-" 

Mila cut her off with an alarmed look, but Carter was no where to be seen when Willow turned her head in the direction of where he had been.

She widened her eyes apologetically. 

Aria cried silent tears into the fabric of Mila's shirt and her shoulders shook.

"I'm such an idiot.. How can I ever make up for this?" 

Her words were slurred and shaky, but Mila understood. She pressed a kiss to the top of her head and hugged her closer.

"Aria, it's okay. I forgive you. I will always be here for you no matter how stubborn you are."

Aria was about to say something when she was cut off by a slamming door.

The sound of an engine roaring to life and tires screeching reached the girls' ears and they all three exchanged puzzled glances. What the hell was that all about?

----

Aria pushed through the door, Dylan losing his balance and placing a hand against the wall to regain it. 

"I heard your brother is back in town." Aria said, looking around the room. 

Dylan shut the door, turning back to face her. His arms crossed in front of his chest and he raised an eyebrow. "Maybe he is. Why would you care?"

"I heard from Danielle that the two of you were here.. Staying together. Why? Why would you even bother coming back?" She put her hand on her hip, putting her weight on one foot.

"I came back for my own reasons.. And I'm not sure why Levi is here. He wanted to come with me.. Again, why does it matter? And why are you here?"

Aria didn't answer, crossing the foyer and entering his living room. She sat on the couch and turned her head to look at him.

He sighed and crossed the room, sitting by her.

She immediately scooted as close as she could, her hand on his knee.

Dylan stared at her. "Is that really why you're here? To piss him off?" 

Aria pressed closer, her lips next to his. "I didn't say that." 

It took him a second, she had gotten really good at clouding his mind. "Aria, you don't have to.." 

She kissed him. And he returned it. He never was good at telling her no. 

"You know what's going to happen if we do this right?" She continued kissing him, climbing on his lap. 

"He is never going to forgive you." Dylan mumbled. Aria smiled, her head spinning.

 "I really don't care anymore."

----

A knock from the door pulled Aria out the reverie she was in. Her decision to go and see Dylan was purely based on the fact that when she found out Levi was back in Riverview. In her eyes, he didn't belong here. She believed he should never have returned.. 

After everything he had done, he needed to stay the hell away from her town.

She stood and approached the door, an odd feeling settling in her chest when she noticed bright, glowing skin and coppery hair on the other side. She slid the door open in confusion, raising an eyebrow at her vampiric best friend.

"Hey, Willow. Why are you he-" She cut off a the look on Willow's face. She looked worried, with a mix of what looked like anger. She clutched a stack of papers to her chest and bit her lip, glancing over her shoulder. Aria stepped aside so Willow could enter, still slightly perturbed.

"There's something you need to see, Aria." She held the small gathering of papers in front of her, a few blowing in the tiny breeze that came in from the now shutting door. 

Aria nodded, pointing at the living room.

She followed Willow as she scanned the new room, Aria had recently moved to a bigger house, planning on finishing out her challenge in this new place. Willow sat on her new sofa, setting the documents on her coffee table. She picked up the first section, neatly stapled at the top, and handed it to Aria.

She looked down in confusion, scanning the first few sentences, when her stomach dropped and she went back to the beginning, to read more slowly.

She finished the first paragraph and looked up at Willow in bewilderment.

"This.. can't be true."

Willow nodded. "Every word of it. It's all over the internet. I don't know why none of you thought of googling her before. Man, Carter really is a terrible cop."

Aria scowled, only she was allowed to say that.

"That's not even everything Aria. I'm not one hundred percent you're going to WANT to hear this, but you NEED to."

Willow sighed and Aria sat the papers back on the stack, looking up at her as Willow launched into the story.

"Well, first of all, Rene Shadows isn't even her real name. I don't know why Carter didn't think of looking for a Rene with your mothers maiden name, which is exactly what I did. 

Anyway, Rene Horton came up with a LOT of data. And I mean a lot. Aria, she was in and out of mental institutions her entire childhood for various things. She was on the news!"

(the lighting on this picture was WAY messed up, I apologize for the over-editing to try and make it brighter >.<)

Willow calmed her voice, which had started to get a tinge of anger to it, and Aria leaned forward, hanging on her speech. Mental institutes?

"She wasn't even raised in Appaloosa Plains, she lived in Twinbrook with her real father. She had two siblings, not yours because they were her fathers, that were younger then her by quite a few years. 

Anyway, when she was seven, her younger brother drowned. He was only two."

Willow looked at Aria, biting her lip.

"Rene claimed it was an accident, but the police suspected that she had done it. When the investigators showed up after the 911 call, Rene was covered in water and completely drained of emotion. She told them he had just fallen in the pool and she wasn't able to save him.

But, Aria.. She didn't shed one tear. Not one."

Aria's eyes widened. "Why would they write that in a news report?"

Willow grinned.

"They didn't. I hacked into the police reports and her therapists records. It was incedibly easy.

You wouldn't believe the things this woman has said..

But Aria.. That's not the worst thing.."

Aria remained blank, just looking at her, taking all of this in. How could it get much worse then murder? She nodded, indicating Willow to continue.

"When she left Twinbrook to come here, she saw her therapist one last time."

Willow looked at the stack of papers and sighed.

"All she told her, was that she wanted to get rid of something that was bothering her. Take care of a 'few things' that were standing in the way of her getting her sister to herself. Which means you, Aria.

And in the therapists notes, she seemed to think that she wanted to PERMANENTLY get rid of whatever it was."

Willow's word were coming out faster then ever and she started to twist them slightly in her anxiety.

"Aria.. I can't help but think she means Mila."

It took Aria a second, she thought about Rene's behaviors, her speaking, the way she looked at Mila and spoke about her. She didn't know why she had never picked up on it before, but suddenly it all made perfect sense. Rene wanted Mila out of the way and felt like she didn't deserve to be Aria's sister because she wasnt blood.

Aria's stomach lurched. What the fuck?

She sighed, reaching into her pocket to call Mila, who had been in town for a week or so for a challenge father meet up. Oh, and that tiny little intervention thing that had just happened.

She dialed Mila's number and no one answered.

She called twice more and the same thing.

Then she remembered, her face blanching.

Mila was supposed to be meeting up with Rene today. On the terms of getting to know each other. 

In a panic, Aria grabbed her keys and dialed Carter's number. 

She needed to get to Rene's. And fast. If all of this was true, who knew what she was capable of.

-----

Carter parked the cruiser next to the curb in front of the house Rene was staying in and looked at Aria. The rain thundered overhead and it was almost hard to see through the downpour. She was anxiously drumming her fingers on her knee the entire drive and now that they had arrived, she instantly put her hand on the door handle and threw it open, getting out as quickly as she could.

Carter hissed and exited the car, making it to her side before she made it three feet. 

"Aria, you can NOT go rushing in there. I feel like I should have just done this by myself."

He angrily whispered, his fingers wrapped around the top of her arm. 

She glared at him, pulling her arm out of his grip. 

"Fine." She snapped back, giving a sarcastic curtsy. "After you, Mr. Officer."

He rolled his eyes, turning and heading towards the front door. As they neared it, they noticed it was already slightly ajar. 

A few steps away, Aria's pulse leapt into her throat. There were tiny dark red drops scattered along the wood of the front porch. She could feel the panic increasing in velocity with each and every inch of ground they covered. 

Carter reached the door first, pushing it open with his hand on his gun. 

He paused for a second, scanning the room. 

"Fuck." He mumbled, rushing forward. Aria could tell by the tone of his voice that it was bad. Really bad. 

"Aria!" He shouted from the depths of the room. "Call 911. Now!" 

Aria crossed the thresh hold, freezing in place. Blood covered the ground in a intricate little pattern it seemed. The coppery smell turned her stomach. In the middle of the mess,  Mila lay in a puddle, a line cut neatly across her throat. 

Aria couldn't move. She couldn't feel. Time seemed to be immobile as Carter tried to revive her sister. 

"Aria, what the FUCK are you doing!? Call 911! NOW!"

Aria dropped to her knees, crawling towards her sister. She sat two feet away and pulled her knees to her chest, unable to breathe properly.

"Is she.. dead?"  She whispered, almost inaudible.

"She's going to fucking be if you don't get an ambulance here, NOW, Aria."

Aria reached a trembling hand into her pocket and extracted her phone, dialing the numbers as the tears finally began to fall. 

She had never been more scared in her life. Rene seemed so... Sweet. So innocent and honest.. How could someone she was related to do something like this? What had Mila done? Was Rene really so crazy that she felt the need to KILL Mila? 

Why? This question echoed over all of the others. It made absolutely no sense whatsoever.

 What was this going to accomplish? Did she honestly have something to gain from this?

What was Aria supposed to do?

What if Mila died?

The sirens blew in from outside as the ambulance arrived and Aria was pushed away by the EMT's as they surrounded Mila, blocking her from view. 

Carter looked up at her, his face etched with concern and fear. Mila's blood was all over him and he looked so incredibly worried that it pulled Aria's already nauseated stomach into more knots. The last thing she saw was his face as everything went black.

----

Babies 68, 69, 70, and 71

Echo, Dexter, Bella and Kensington

Lilia and Raven

Avocet and Albatross 

Verreaux, Harlequin, Starling

This is only part one of the story. To see what happened to Mila and what happens next, click this pretty little link right HERE.

It's written by Mila's creator ^_^

<3 <3

32- Maybe I'm Just Tired

Avocet and Albatross, children

Verreaux, Harlequin and Starling Rapture

------

"Aria you have to open this door eventually. I know that you're in there. Your fucking car is in the driveway." Carter sighed, knocking again. Aria wiped the tears from her cheeks and continued to stare at the wall. 

"Just open the door, Aria. I'm not here to be the bad guy. I want to talk to you about why you ran off... I won't even bring up what happened at the party." 

Aria looked up at the door, sniffling. She bit her lip and listened as he knocked again, a little harder. 

Carter's sigh was exasperated and he shifted his weight, pressing his forehead to the door. "I just want to talk to you. Will you please answer the door?" 

Aria weighed her options. She had a feeling that if she didn't answer the door, he was never going to go away. She at least owed him an explanation as to why she hadn't been answering his calls. Not that he would give her one if the situation was reversed.

 She put a hand on the floor, boosting herself upwards.

Twisting  her fingers into her hair and pulling slightly, she walked to the door, sliding the dead bolt out of place and pulling it towards her. Carter looked surprised that Aria had even conceded. His eyes traced her face, and his expression instantly became one of concern. 

"You're crying?"

It was more of a statement than a question. Her eyes hurt and her mouth was dry, and Carter's comment annoyed her to the point that she wanted to shut the door in his face. 

She stepped backwards and he entered, his eyes still on her face. 

"Aria why did you leave like you did a few weeks ago? You just sped away. I know Mila was there, and I assumed it was because of that, it's just..." 

He trailed off, and she crossed her arms over her chest. He looked like he wanted to say something different than what followed. 

"You won't return my calls.. My texts. This isn't normal for you. We haven't been this disconnected in months. What did I do?"

Aria looked up in surprise. 

"You can't seriously be asking me that." 

Carter started at her tone, his eyebrows knitting together. 

"I don't get it. You seem so fucking mad at me. I didn't even know that I had done anything. Aria, please, just tell me what the hell is going on. What happened?"

Aria's eyes met with the floor. "I saw you and Mila kissing." She mumbled. 

Carter stared at her. Speechless. He made a string of various noises that were intended to be words, but didn't quite form them. He took a step towards her and she took an equal one backwards. 

"I was NOT kissing Mila."

Aria shook her head. "I know what I saw."

Carter's voice rose slightly in aggravation. 

"No. You saw what you wanted to see. I would never kiss her Aria. I see her like a sister." 

He repeated his step forward, and this time, Aria remained motionless. 

"For God's sake, Aria. She is the one that used to take blackmail pictures of me and threaten to show everyone. I sometimes wonder if she still has them." 

His grin drew a sparkle into his eyes and Aria couldn't help but smile a little. They had been so close growing up. The three of them, and Willow, had been inseparable. 

Aria drew her bottom lip into her mouth and exhaled. 

"You promise Carter? Please, don't lie to me. I deserve to know the truth." 

He nodded, reaching out and pulling her into a hug.

 "I promise. Mila will never be anything more to me than a friend. She is like my sister almost as much as she is yours."

Aria pressed her cheek into Carter's chest and she could hear his heart beating softly beneath the layers of cotton. 

She could remember how many times they had all played house when they were younger. Carter always insisted on being the dad and Aria being the mom. Willow and Mila would pretend to be their kids. It was all so silly now, but back then it was always important that she be the wife. The other two were absolutely not allowed. 

His dad would always come crashing into the house, interrupting everything with drunken blubbering and the three girls would have to go home. 

And Carter... Carter would always show up at school the next day with a new bruise too. Sometimes more than one.

---

"You might as well stay still, Carter." 

Aria sang, grabbing another dress off the rack and taking Willow's hand and pulling her towards the dressing room. Carter stood against the wall, grumpily holding most of the girls' shopping bags. Mila shrugged apologetically, holding up the one bag she carried. 

"At least this isn't my fault."

Carter huffed, setting the bags on the floor and crossing his arms, making Mila laugh. 

"I don't even know why I am friends with the three of you. I should find some manly friends." 

Mila smirked, looking off toward where Aria and Willow had went. 

"Yeah but if you did that, you couldn't be around Aria all the time." 

Carter's expression changed to one of annoyance. 

"Why do you keep saying that?"

Mila raised an eyebrow knowingly. 

"I see the way you look at her, even if she doesn't." 

Carter rolled his eyes. 

"You're so full of shit, Mila. We're just friends."

Aria reappeared, laughing. She looked at the two of them, her eyes still lit up. 

"What? Who's just your friend?"

Carter looked at Mila quickly and back at Aria. 

"No one."

Aria's forehead wrinkled in confusion, but she brushed it off, turning to Willow. 

"So where next? I think we should look at shoes!" 

Her excitement was contagious and Mila perked up at the mention of shoes. That was something she actually enjoyed shopping for. No frilly, girly dresses in there. 

Carter sighed, forcing a smile. 

"Alright, let's go."

He made to follow them out the door of the store, when his phone went off. He slipped it out of his pocket, glancing at the screen with a sigh, putting it up to his ear. The voice on the other end carried over to where the girls were standing a few feet away it was so loud. 

The apologetic look on Carter's face sent nauseating quivers through Aria's stomach. The fact that he felt like he had to be sorry for his dad being a fucking loser made her heart ache.

She watched him listen, his face going through various stages of irritation and sorrow until finally he mumbled something, hitting the end button and setting the phone on the counter beside him. He looked back over at the three of them and nodded at the exit.

Aria wanted to say something, anything. The look on his face, however, told her that now wasn't the time. She walked over to him, taking his hand in hers and kissed his cheek, smiling weakly. 

"Let's go do something else. Do you want to go for a walk or something? We don't have to keep shopping. You can come to my house."

Carter shook his head. 

"No, It's fine. We can do whatever you want." 

He glanced at his cell phone before pushing it off of the counter into the trash can beside it. Aria didn't say a word, just stared back at the receptacle as he tugged her forward by the hand she forgot she was holding.

---

Aria blinked the memory away. She had a tendency to purposefully forget those kinds of memories. Especially ones involving Curtis Simon.. And ones that included Carter acting like he cared about her. When he left without saying goodbye, it had killed her. 

Completely vanquished every feeling she had had for him. Made her numb towards their friendship in a way. She pushed all of those memories to the side and pretended none of it ever happened. 

"What's going on Aria? Why do you look so sad? Your expression completely changed in a matter of seconds.." 

Carter's eyes were full of confusion. 

Aria unwound herself from the hug that they had been in and locked her fingers tightly together at her waist. She dropped her eyes to the floor and wondered what she should say.. If she should even bring any of that stuff up. 

"I was.. " 

She looked back at his face, which still held that puzzled look. 

"Thinking about your dad." 

She finished, once again averting her gaze. 

He instantly became blank, just.. empty. 

"What about him?"  He asked, toneless.

"Just a memory of him yelling at you." Aria stated, detailing nothing.

"Which time out of the thousands?" 

His humorless laugh cut through her. She knew she shouldn't have said anything. She could feel her eyes start to sting. Like she didn't cry enough. Carter fumed for a minute and then looked back at her. 

"I try not to think of him. I try not remember a single thing that happened in that house. Except for one."

He looked away, his eyes avoiding her curious gaze. 

"I sometimes wonder if you still remember."

"I will always remember."

----

Aria slipped out the back door, her ears registering Axil and Mila's shouts from the game room where they had been playing something on the Xbox. She was amazed she made it all the way out without anyone noticing.

She quickly ran down the street, Carter's house in sight in moments. He hadn't answered her texts or calls all day. The panic that she felt was indescribable. 

She approached the back of his house where the tree was that led to his window. She could hear shouting coming from inside and that made the anxious feeling triple. She ascended the tree as quickly as she could, carefully scooting along the branch to his window. Thankfully it was already mostly open. 

She opened it a little more and jumped inside, climbing on his bed. 

The crashes and bangs echoed through the room from the downstairs and Aria pulled her knees to her chest, scooting into a corner of his bed. She wished there was something she could do... She was only 14. What could she do?

Footsteps sounded right outside the door, and Aria worried for the split second before it opened that it would be Curtis. When Carter stepped through the door, Aria exited his bed and threw herself into his arms. 

He looked shocked and there were tears all over his face. He winced as her arms pressed into his chest, but he held her close. A few seconds passed and she quickly pulled away, looking at the damage quickly appearing around his eye. 

Carter pulled the back of his hand under his eyes, vanishing the traces of him crying and looked around his room, finally locking his eyes on the open window. He looked back at Aria in surprise.

"Aria. Did you climb in my window? It's like ten o'clock at night."

Aria nodded, barely forming words through her tears. 

"I was worried about you." 

She choked out, wanting to just hug him. Somehow make it better. In some way. 

Carter looked at her, his eyes so full of sadness it killed her. Someone so young should never know the kind of pain that he did. His world was upside down and so vacant of life that it was written all over everything he did. Aria wanted to save him. To take him away from all of this and make everything right in his existence. 

Fourteen years old. He was only fourteen and he had been through more than a lot of people twice his age.

"Aria.. You shouldn't be here. If he finds out-" 

Aria shook her head vigorously, tears spilling over her cheeks. 

"I'm not leaving. Not tonight."

 She took his hand and pointedly intertwined her fingers with his. 

"You are not going to be alone."

His eyes lit up and he looked at her in wonder. 

"You're such a strange girl Aria. Aren't you afraid of my dad?"

Aria glanced at the door, and back at Carter. 

"I'm more afraid of losing you."

He stared at her for a second, and then he  put a hand on her cheek, leaning forward and pressing his lips softly to hers. He held the kiss for three brief seconds and then pulled away.

"What was that for?" Aria asked, her cheeks pink from crying, and surprise. 

Carter looked at the floor, his green eyes glossy from the tears he had been trying to hold back so hard in front of her. 

"I don't know. It's something that I have wanted to do for a long time." 

He looked back up at her, a smile pulling at the corners of his lips. 

"I've never kissed  anyone before."

Aria's eyes widened and she nodded. 

"Neither have I."

---

No one knew about that kiss aside from the two of them. Aria had never mentioned it and she doubted that Carter had either. They never kissed again. Not even once. He was her first kiss and it was nothing more than friendship in their entire lives aside from that one moment.

"I think that was the day I decided I would never be good enough for you."

Aria was lost in her thoughts, her stomach knotting repeatedly,  when she heard him say that.

"Wait, what?"

He shook his head. 

"Doesn't matter. I'm going to go home. I'll talk to you later Aria... As long as you start answering your phone."

She couldn't really move. She couldn't formulate an answer appropriate to the situation because her brain was mush. What the fuck was that comment and why had he even said it.. .

Because deep down inside. That was exactly like she had always felt.

----

[With the storyline in this chapter, I went ahead with a donor pregnancy. ^_^]

Babies 66 and 67

Lilia and Raven Rapture.

31- Careless Whisper: Part Two

Avocet and Albatross Rapture, toddlerrrsss
----


Aria shut the door of her car, the metal connecting with metal with a soft click. 

She approached the door, suddenly apprehensive. She really needed to talk to Carter. He always knew what to say.. This situation with Bluejay was killing her. She couldn't talk to Mila and she figured Willow was on her side.. Not to mention she had trouble reaching out to Danielle most days..

That left Carter.

Part of her, however, was afraid he would tell her that this was her fault like he always did. 

Aria's hair stuck to her face from the rain, and her clothes were damp. She was inches from his door when she suddenly stopped, her eyes wide. 

Well, wasn't that amazing. Carter wasn't alone. In fact, it was Mila that was in his arms. 

It was as if someone had suckerpunched Aria in the stomach. She was so startled she took a step back from the door, her heartbeat thundering in her throat. It wasn't like she hadn't expected this, but to witness it first hand, when she was being told again and again that it wasn't happening, was another thing entirely. 

The thing that was confusing Aria the most, was how much she cared. If Mila and Carter were together and happy, why should she be upset? Aside from her being angry with her sister, this whole thing shouldn't matter. Maybe ... Maybe Aria cared more about Carter then she initially thought. The thought alone of that made her cringe. 

Her and Carter? Maybe in some altertnate universe. Not to mention, it looked like her sister had gotten there way before she would have even considered it.

She turned on her heel and ran to her car, silent tears falling. 

She had completely forgotten why she had came here to begin with, peeling out of his driveway and into the street. 

She left so fast she didn't even see her two

green eyed friends standing on Carter's porch, watching in confusion as she sped away.

-----

"I don't even know why I keep doing this stuff to myself." Aria crossed her arms, slumping further down into the seat. Aria iced over, not allowing her emotions to cut her at the edges. Making sure she didn't give away exactly how much this entire situation with Bluejay was affecting her.

True, this was therapy. She was /supposed/ to talk about how she felt. It just wasn't easy for her. It never had been.

 Growing up, she told Mila and Willow everything. Even Carter. Things were just different now that she was older. She felt as if she should keep these things to herself. Like if she let people in, they would just cut her down.

"I think that there is something keeping you from facing what you have done. I know you are aware that the situations you keep putting yourself into are not the best."

Aria stared at the floor, pressing her fingernails into her palms. Something she was doing quite often now when she got nervous. Lilac had a point. There was always something she seemed to be trying to get away from. She just wasn't ready to confront those things.. No where near. 

All of the hurt she had caused everyone was just buried in the back of her mind.

Aria escalated into a ramble about a few things, getting more and more emotional until she finally settled down, ending her tirade with a simple statement. 

"And I think my sister is dating my best friend." Her voice cracked and she wiped a deceiving tear  from underneath her eye, looking up at Lilac, who was staring at her with a glint of interest in her eyes. 

"As in Mila and Carter?" 

Aria nodded, picking at a hole in the arm of the chair she was seated in. Lilac's eyebrows rose and she leaned forward, biting the tip of her pen and sighing. 

"Can I ask you a question, Aria?" 

Aria looked up at her, biting her lip. She had no idea what she was going to ask and that made her very, very nervous. She nodded again anyway.

"Have you ever considered that, maybe, Carter means more to you then you are aware of?"

It was like Lilac had pulled her thoughts out of her head from earlier and given them voice. She was blindsided for a minute and then she scoffed, instantly relaxing. Laughter bubbled up her throat and out of her mouth and it took a second to catch her breath.

 "That's the funniest thing you have ever said, Lilac, really." 

She let out a weak laugh. "That boy has been around since I was 2, and he has never ONCE tried anything with me. He doesn't see me that way, and he never will. And I think you missed the whole point of what I was saying.."

Aria looked away, out the window, at the always falling rain. 

"I think he is with Mila."

Lilac seemed unconvinced at her laughter. She had this knowing shine to her eyes that kind of made Aria want to punch her in the face for assuming. She was pretty sure she would know if she had feelings for Carter. 20 years of being around him, besides that year he disappeared to college, would give her a very clear notion if something was there.

"I think you should take a second and think about it Aria. Denying it won't work forever."

Lilac's comment made Aria instantly aggravated.

"So tell me, what good would it fucking do for me to like him when he doesn't care about me? What great things are going to come out of me liking my best friend when, as I have said a hundred fucking times, I think he is banging my sister? Why would I want to acknowledge something that might tear me to pieces in the end." 

Aria's voice rose the longer she spoke until finally, she crumbled, her last sentence coming out in barely a whisper:

"Why would I want to know if I love him when all he has ever done is forget me?" 

She buried her face in her hands and cut herself off, not talking for the rest of the session. She honestly just wanted to go home now.

---

Aria rushed up the stairs when she got home, nearly stepping on a small white box outside of her door and crushing it and whatever lay inside to pieces. Her brows furrowed for a moment and she bit her lip. She stooped, picking it up and examining the outside.

Who the fuck left this? Bluejay? Doubtful.

She lifted the lid to the box, suddenly anxious. What the fuck was it, and how long had it even been there? When she saw what was inside, she was even more confused. It was a key on a chain, tied with an emerald green ribbon. She pulled it out of the box, examining it. It didn't say anything. 

The box was unmarked, empty aside from the necklace. 

Well, wasn't this the most confusing surprise ever. She slipped the chain around her neck and examined it once more. It was beautiful.

---

Aria found herself on Bluejay's doorstep. She had pressed call and end in succession so many times she had lost track. She felt like she the way things had ended were not okay. Not at all. She was more angry with herself then she had been in a while and she felt oddly.. Broken.

She had slowly realized she had been an idiot. Of course things were different then she had thought. Bluejay obviously wanted to be more the friends and Aria had just had this preconceived notion that it was just sex. She should have realized that it wasn't. It was an unsaid certainty that had went right over Aria's head.

Aria really needed to quit locking everyone out. It just kept hurting her; And hurting everyone else. She felt like maybe she was pushing everyone away a little too much now. She wasn't dumb.. She should have known that Bluejay cared more then he let on. Why would she do something so stupid?

Before her knuckles could make contact with the wooden door, it opened. Bluejay stood there, a confused look playing across his features. His teal eyes trailed to her own and then he looked away. He leaned against the doorframe, speaking softly.

"Why are you here Aria?" 

Something in his voice sent electricity down Aria's spine. 

"I.." She began, taking a step closer. He didn't react apart from looking back up at her. She took another step closer, her nerves sliding into that buzzy feeling that she felt whenever she was with him. Only when she was with him. 

Because he was different. 

He would always be different. 

"Bluejay.. I'm sorry. I fucked up okay? I am an idiot and I made a mistake. I should have known that you wanted something more then what I thought we had." 

The air between them was minute, her face now an immeasurable distance from his. Her words seemed to hang there. She wondered if they had made any difference at all. Maybe it wouldn't matter.. Maybe she was too late and the damage was already done. 

They didn't have to be together, but Aria still wanted her friend. She needed him.

He stared at her, silent. The kind of look Aria missed. Like he could read her thoughts. 

Aria's heart gave a pull and she could feel her eyes start to burn. 

"I really am so fucking sorry." 

She whispered the words, turning to go, but Bluejay grabbed her arm.

He pulled her against him, crushing her lips with his. 

He pushed the door the rest of the way open, leading Aria inside, his lips still connected with hers. The kisses grew more anxious, deeper. Aria's mind was exploding in fireworks and she couldn't help but press herself into him. With him she felt safe. 

It was a different kind of safe. 

The kind that made everything make sense.

He pulled away for a second, shutting the door and turning back to her. He took her hand and led her towards his room, and she followed without a moments hesitation.

-----

The late day sunlight filtered through the window, casting long shadows through the room. Aria pulled her knees to her chest and sighed. Maybe spending the day here wasn't the best decision, but she found it incredibly hard to just walk away from him. 

It made Aria's head spin that she was so easily swayed. What was it with him that made her feel like she just couldn't say no. Except for this time.. This night was ending with an odd sense of finality.

Bluejay pulled her next to him, tracing his thumb over her lips. He kissed her lightly, and she sighed. They needed to talk about this. Working out all of their issues physically wasn't solving anything. Not that it wasn't fun. Or that she wasn't happy right where she was, in bed with him; They were just avoiding the inevitable.

Aria could hear rain begin to fall outside, gently pattering against the roof. A cool breeze blew in from the open window and she took Bluejay's hand in both of hers, tracing the scars on his arm with her fingertips. They were an unspoken reality beween the two of them. Something they both knew but didn't talk about.

"Aria.. I think I need to tell you something.. " His voice was next to her ear, and it sounded.. Uncertain. She knew what was coming. She had known for months. It was the exact reason why she hadn't gotten attached.. Why she didn't want to be more then friends. Why she refused to acknowledge that maybe he did.

He began to speak again, but Aria cut him off.

"It's okay, you don't have to say it." Aria said quietly.

 "It's in your eyes, it's in your voice when you say her name. It's been so completely obvious all along." She released her grip on his hand and brushed her hair out of her eyes. 

"That's the reason we could never really be together. She means everything to you. I could tell from day one." 

She toyed with the key on the necklace she wore, she had completely forgotten she was wearing it and still didn't know who it was from. "I just hope someday that someone looks at me the way you look at her. I want more then anything to mean that much to someone."

His eyes strayed to the necklace and then back to her own. 

"I'm pretty sure you already do."

He kissed her softly, one last time, his fingers twisting in her hair.

 "This isn't goodbye. I'm always going to be right here. As a friend." 

She quietly nodded, pressing her forehead to his. "I know.. I feel like this was what was meant to happen from the beginning. You belong to someone else. I've known all along. Thank you for being there when I needed you, Bluejay."

The quiet ascended and the fact that this was the end to whatever they had was left to silently sink in. 

----

Babies 63, 64 and 65

Harlequin, Starling and Verreaux Rapture.